“I don’t need you anymore. I don’t want to see your face anymore. Oh, come on! Do not pretend that you don’t know.
Where were you when I needed someone to comfort me? Where were you when I wanted to hug someone because I got a medal in school? Where were you when I was seeking the care of a mother who’ll surely provide everything I lack? Where were you when I needed you the most, Ma? Tell me! Because all those times I needed someone to be with me, you weren’t there. You knew what happened, Ma? I became stronger. I tried to become stronger. I tried to regain my strength by thinking that there’s no one who’d help me nor lend a hand to a child like me who was left behind by his own mother.
Ma! Did you know what hurt me the most right now? The fact that you knocked on my door and asked me to listen to what you were about to say! Why did you comeback? Why were you here! I didn’t need a mother anymore. I grew up alone and I could now stand on my own feet. Why? Why, Ma? You were already dead to me. I had forgotten you a long time ago. How I wished you were dead instead of giving me pain. Please, Ma. Don’t bother me anymore!
These were the words I had given to the person who abandoned me during my childhood nights, to the person who let me felt anxiety in every day of my life, and to that person who gave me nothing but scars which were already etched in my already soulless heart. How could a person neglect a child, a mere child who knew nothing but to seek for comfort and love? I was neglected.
After that unfortunate meeting with her, I lived my life like I had used to do; a life without a mother. Who needed a mother in this generation, anyway? Yes, they were the ones who brought us in this vast land, but the goodness in their inner selves were a show-off. You could only see it at first but would sudden decline afterwards. Look at me. I was a product of a motherless youth. I experienced so many difficulties and hindrances that there were times I almost gave up because no one’s supporting me in my every battle. It was because, I was a motherless child.
But I grew up as a normal person. Good friends come on my way. They guided me to be the person I was right now. I didn’t need a mother anymore. I garnered medals and awards through my own hard work. Look at that. Can you see that? I had trophies, certificates, and everything. Did you contribute something, mother? None at all, none at all.
“Be thankful to yourself, Arturo. Be thankful to your friends. You got what you wanted. You are successful enough! See that? You don’t need a mother anymore. What is a mother, by the way?”
Did I still need a mother? Of course not. Not anymore.
But one day, a letter came in my mail box. ‘To Arturo’ was written in the brown sealed-envelope. Curiosity was killing me so I did not think twice but tear the cover.
‘Arturo, come home. Your mother passed away.’
W-what? Wait… did I read it right? …mother passed away. I never thought those words would break my already scarred heart. What did it say?
I should be happy, right? She’s dead! This was what I wished for. But… why do I feel this? My heart… it’s like breaking to pieces. W-why? Should I go to her funeral?
“Arturo, you don’t have a mother, right? What is a mother, Arturo? Why would you go? Just stay.”
“No, Arturo, go home and say goodbye to your unkind mother. She’s not worth the tears anymore.”
I went there. I saw a wooden rectangle coffin covered with flowers. Wait. Was she there? Was she really there? I should be happy. I should be really happy. I had no mother anymore. Wait. Did I have one? But, Ma. What happened? Why were you there? Why did you have a pale skin? I saw you last week with colors in your face but what happened? Ma, I don’t know what to feel. Should I long for you? Should I really shed these tears for you? Ma, are you worth my tears? You’re not a mother to me. You were never one. But why do I feel this? My heart’s breaking. It’s… really breaking.
Ma, please stop the pain. Not anymore.
Written as a declamation piece in 2018.
Dreams and Nightmares 